What could be more fun than a visit to the Zoo? All of life’s creation, spread out like a sharing platter! And once you’re in the zoo, nothing’s better than monkeys – our closest brothers in Darwin’s Tree Of How’s Your Father.
Gird yourself, monkey sisters – you and me are going to have some fun!
Wow. They must be pooped from a late night Gorilla Party! I wonder… I wonder what food they serve at a Gorilla Party? Haha! I love a funny list! This is going to be fun!
- Bonobo Twiglets
- Ape Biscuits
- Orang-Utan Doritos (with Chimpanzee Salsa!)
Don’t let those sad, empty faces fool you – they’ve got MONKEY MISCHIEF on their minds. Once, I saw a monkey planning a bank heist using a quill on a sheaf of ancient papyrus. But he wasn’t breaking into a vault full of money… it was a pile of bananas! What are you guys up to, eh?
Oh, you’re off to look out the window. I… bet you think you’re going to see something amazing. Like… a… I dunno, a space rocket or something. God, I hope they’re wanking in the next room.
No! You’re doing monkey wanking all wrong! You’re supposed to sling it around with a shrill chattering bark! You’re supposed to bare your teeth like you’re horrified by what’s coming out! Most of all, you’re supposed to make me imagine a world where my mates come around and we chat and wank to whatever’s on the telly. You’re not supposed to have an embarrassing twiddle with yourself that’s so listless and unfancy that you fall asleep.
Oh, for fuck’s sake. You miserable pricks are getting right on my tits. The only thing this picture needs to be more hamfistedly poignant is some kind of clumsy symbolism relating to captivity