1) We are undercover in a honey-trap sting operation, or something else to do with bees and paedophiles.
2) We are looking for our adopted son in a thrilling multi-part episode of Two And A Half Dads
3) We were trying to recapture a lost sense of youth (an experiment that failed, because our understanding of water has developed in thirty-plus years to the point where we no longer see it as thrilling per se)
4) Simple masturbation has long become a jaded and mechanical process, and I now require a sense of danger to feel anything at all
5) We were taking part in a treasure hunt, this photo was one of the treasures, and the kids all ran in after us. That’s actually how it happened, if you’d just stop chasing us and listen
no wait i mean 5