Bette vs Joan

I just found out that Bette Davis and Joan Crawford didn’t like each other very much. Although this is sad, I suppose there’re a number of good reasons for the two to have their differences. For starters, Bette Davis had big wet eyes, and Joan Crawford had a fat top lip. These are both laudable traits when taken individually, but put yourself in Bette’s shoes; if you’re going around with huge soggy eyes, the last thing you want is a massive lip bouncing around the set.
At best, the canoe-like slug of a lip would distract movie-goers from the pints of liquid coating Bette’s slowly rotating, wide-open eyeballs. At worst, Joan’s tongue might have curled, unseen, from the vast shadow of her upper lip and drank from Miss Davis’s basketball-sized tear ducts during a moving monologue. In the combative atmosphere of 1930s Hollywood, this would have been unforgiveable.
That’s just my speculation, though. There are many more official rumours about Bette and Joan’s mutual hatred. Some say that they were great friends until Greta Garbo pinched Joan’s bottom in a bus queue and blamed it on Miss Davis. Others insist that Bette went bass fishing with Jayne Mansfield, and during a more theatrical cast, her hook got snagged in Joan’s bra-strap, severely twanging it.
Fighting your way throught these rumours, it’s a relief to find out what really happened, in my visual dramatization of the book “Bette & Joan: This Hollwood Feud Is On, Starting From… NOW“.
(Click for more legible)

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