Jennifer Tolstoy: Resurrection

Remember that cunt, Francis Gilbert? It’s from the time when I regularly posted, and people commented. From when I was a contender.
FRANCIS GILBERT POSTS
Francis Gilbert vs Law of the Playground
Francis Gilbert’s Real-Life Actual Blog
At the time, it prompted me to start a spoof Gilbert website, which quickly became “a lot of effort”. Note the lack of substance behind the front page, which links mainly to the cunt’s own site.
Frances Gilbert (mine) vs Francis Gilbert (his – curmudgeon alert)
Actually, that’s not all I did, because I became briefly obsessed with the massive, freckled prick – I installed some over-complicated content management system with a view to writing loads of stories by Francis Gilbert, in which he bemoans the ugly, stupid and loathsome world in which he has been forced by the cruellest whims of his Lord to suffer at the hands of the under-educated and impolite. Here’s that abortion of an attempt, too. There’s some content among the dummy stories, so hang in there, tenacious reader!
Anyway, to change the subject, if you go to my Frances Gilbert site, you’ll see the papier mache head at the top left, and if for any reason you’ve been here, you’ll maybe know that it’s a papier mache head of my imaginary girlfriend, Jennifer Tolstoy.
Well… after I met someone in the pub at the weekend, and they told me they liked Jennifer’s pages, I started thinking “fucking hell, I didn’t know you, you’ve got a wicked sexy moustache, and suddenly we’re talking about how great I am – this is hotter than I care to admit outside of the blog format”.
So, I’m going to do some more Jennifer Tolstoy-Blyth pages. As far as I can make out, she works in a Zwarovski crystal shop, where she dusts the swans (but not the stupid frogs), we split up in 2004 after she realised that the penisses actually went into the anusses, and weren’t just resting against them for support, and she’s started her own life in Brighton with some of her most super-friends ever.
This shit writes itself, and that’s the way I likes it. It’s time to dust off the paper helmets, and get that oversized stolen nurses uniform. She may work in a crystal shop, but that doesn’t stop her doing unsolicited nursing work.

8 thoughts on “Jennifer Tolstoy: Resurrection

  1. AG

    Speaking of videos what happened to that other video you did. Ages ago. It was fucking strange. You were wearing a wig.
    Does that help?
    More Jennifer makes my bones warm.

    Reply
  2. Log Post author

    I’m going home at the weekend, and I’m going to plunder my old computer for this stuff. There’s massive chunks of old disappointment that I keep remembering. Staying In, Going Out – that’s somewhere in my parent’s attic, too.

    Reply
  3. grilly

    for a while i was obsessed with calling a band ‘jennifer, my girlfriend’, but we went with ‘the girlfriend experience’ instead. it’s good to have her back.

    Reply
  4. Jonesy

    Staying In, Going Out was the name of the Just Seventeen reviews section. It was a bit like The Times Literary Supplement but with added hot boy nipz.
    Now I am going to type the words Goring external

    Reply
  5. Neil Idiotica

    Hello, I am still here, and have been here all along – I am just SHY.
    SHYte at making comments that is!
    No.
    I remember Jennifer T-B, she has a horse called Sugartits. Or something very like it. I would check, but the Internet is too big.

    Reply

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