How To Write A Hiatus Haiku

Got a proper job Reviewing computer games Will write something soon It’s a bit rum, having a job I want to be good at. Doesn’t leave much time for fucking about, taking photos of plastic fannies and doing everything in my power to not be productive. I’ll be back at the blog soon, and any … Read more

Midwives : I Have Fucked Everything Up Right Proper

Gather round, scamps and travellers – and hear my tale. Hear about what happens when you allow unapologetic incompetents to flail unchecked in the offices of our land. My own tale begins innocently enough, with a simple lapse in organisation, followed by a profound disinclination to “do anything about it”, in the spirit of “oh … Read more

My Best Idea For A Film Ever Award 2006

This award ceremony is held in the honour of my competition winner, mydeaddog, to whom I have dedicated the rest of February. I daresay we’ll be seeing a bit of him around here over the next few posts – anyway, this is the best idea I have ever had for a film. 24 HOUR DELIVERY A young girl, who … Read more

Weekend Frivolity Is Fun To Have With Prizes

Oh, no! I emailed my good friend Ruth Madoc (pissdrenched@gmail.com) with five images that I got from Google Image search. She loves receiving thematically linked images, and I love her being happy. However, she’s gone on holiday, and I’ve hit my head with a saucepan. This has resulted in me losing the images, and forgetting … Read more

Jesus Christ That's Aspirational

Every image from the random image script on the front of the Adecco website. I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna fucking get out there and do me some a1 photocopying. And by a1 I mean “top grade” rather than the paper size, because ours can only do a3 although it is a fax, … Read more

FW: Hilarious!!! Onestone!!!

I just received the finest joke via email. It had the subject title “FW: Hilarious!!! Onestone!!!” Now, I’ve just this very second invented the Whatever Next? Model of Absurd Extrapolation, so I was amazed to suddenly find myself at the very forefront of a new model of joke distribution. Even if I’m not the first … Read more