Men! What a bunch of fuckers we are. We sit there, in our armchairs (armthrones, more like), drinking malt whiskies and thumping our fists on the table until boiled hams fly into our mouths, as if by magic. Only it’s not magic, is it girls? No! It’s your tireless work that keeps the whisky flowing, … Read more
Walking along the road, I found a crumpled piece of paper hugging the railings. I’m curious, and like finding things, so I picked it up. What I found outraged me on so many levels that I quite literally fell over and refused to move for three days. Here, look. It doesn’t take much intelligence to … Read more
Win yourself a shiny fucking medal!
Why can’t every day be a catalogue of humiliation?
THE CONVERSATION “Hello.” “Hi.” “This is my boyfriend.” “Your ex-boyfriend?” “No. My boyfriend.” “Oh. Hope you’re happy together!” When you find someone sexually attractive, it’s only right that you imagine having sex with them. You mentally undress them, you look at their trousers and imagine an eighteen thousand inch penis with a ghostly beckoning finger … Read more
There’s so many things I’m willing to do in the name of sex. That’s not to say I’m an innovator, far from it. I’m more of a “whatever you say” participant, who pulls away from a grubby clinch to frown at an imaginary audience. That audience knows what I’m going through, poking and nudging every … Read more
You’re at a party, and you’re introduced to a porn director. What, exactly, do you say?
Cartoon Is Fun. Born Loser Is Funnest!
What’s goes moo and quack and GET OFF MY TRACTOR and is inflatable?
Walking… one of the things that we have, as cool and scientific humans, eradicated. Why walk when we can drive, ski, and grab onto the legs of genetically supersized eagles? One of the internet’s foremost authorities on walking is Wendy Bumgardner, and that’s the fearsome truth, sister. Go on, google it. With Wendy Bumgardner at … Read more