Comments on: Midwives : I Have Fucked Everything Up Right Proper

By: davidh

davidh — Fri, 17 Feb 2006 18:44:00 +0000

Speedwolf said,
February 17, 2006 @ 10:49 am
Are midwives dirty like nurses?

I wouldn’t like to say!

By: Speedwolf

Speedwolf — Fri, 17 Feb 2006 13:20:47 +0000

“I bet theyâ€™ve been shat on by more women than youâ€™ve had hot lunches.”
Nice double-whammy there, I’d post a drumkit but I can’t arsed.

My Nan used to think that babies came from kettles because the midwife would ask for hot water and towels when her mum went into labour. Bless her thick-as-shit cottons.

By: smahman

smahman — Fri, 17 Feb 2006 13:13:25 +0000

No, it would have been tired and overworked and…. There is no place enta for that here.

By: jonesy

jonesy — Fri, 17 Feb 2006 12:41:59 +0000

Oof. I almost posted a comment about them charging for labour then. Phew â€“ I’m glad THAT didn’t happen!

By: smahman

smahman — Fri, 17 Feb 2006 11:38:58 +0000

Ba da bing! Will there be a cervix charge?

By: jonesy

jonesy — Fri, 17 Feb 2006 10:55:33 +0000

I bet they’ve been shat on by more women than you’ve had hot lunches.

By: Speedwolf

Speedwolf — Fri, 17 Feb 2006 09:49:10 +0000

Are midwives dirty like nurses?

I’ll bet they’re as broody as anything having to drag babies out of mummies’ tum-tums all day. That means they’re probably up for anything except up-the-bum and gobbling because that would mean wasting precious baby-batter. Either that or they hate the idea of childbirth so much after seeing women’s axe wounds getting split b y trying to pass a head the size of a bowling ball through it. In which case they’ve either become a lesbian or don’t do vanilla.

In either case, I’ve got a semi-on and need closure.

By: davidh

davidh — Thu, 16 Feb 2006 23:13:29 +0000

I went out with a midwife, years ago.

She was lovely but crackers and I wouldn’t have trusted her to deliver a letter, never mind a baby.

That is my midwife anecdote.

By: Log

Log — Thu, 16 Feb 2006 12:42:26 +0000

I can’t tell whether that sounded really wise, or whether you’re recommending idealism to the point of fanny baptisms. How idealistic should birth be?

1 = TOTALLY IDEALISTIC (virgin births)
2 = MAINLY IDEALISTIC (no painkillers, whore, the pain’s there as a reminder of your sin)
3 = EQUALLY IDEALISTIC AND PRAGMATIC (kinda hard to summarise is parody form)
4 = MAINLY PRAGMATIC (let’s get the baby out and do try not to drop it)
5 = TOTALLY PRAGMATIC (well the world’s fucked anyway, it’d save a lot of bother if I did drop it)

VOTE NOW!

By: Ricick

Ricick — Thu, 16 Feb 2006 07:31:17 +0000

There’s already too much pragmatism and not enough idealism in midwifery to my mind.

By: Gustave Hetter

Gustave Hetter — Wed, 15 Feb 2006 17:32:52 +0000

I can already see - in my mind’s eye, of course - hordes of impatient midwives jumping up and down on expectant mothers’ abdomens in an effort to speed up the whole birthing process. And about time too - it takes fucking AGES at the moment.

By: soulless

soulless — Wed, 15 Feb 2006 08:26:27 +0000

I like the idea of impractical midwives.

“I forgot the forceps. Let’s use a trowel and an eggcup!”

It’s time we put the fun back into appalling medical negligence.