Also what have you been doing in the pub at 4:42, Speedwolf, you stripe-headed twat?

I like Jimmy Carr, but Log is 10% funnier than cot-death[/after-pub unfunny post]

4 and 5, I’d put Robert Lindsay and Zoe Wananamaker in “My Family”.

2.
FAT KID: Why don’t you look at me when we make love?!?

FOOD: (sneering) We don’t make love, you just stick that thing into whatever part of me happens to be squisheist!
Also, I don’t have any eyes!

Suitable Analogy: A depressed robot fucking a plug socket and weeping oily tears.

3. I do not think Jesus is a cool cat. But only because He’s listening and would go and tell God I’m a Communist and not to let me into Heaven, the big fucking girl.

4. Those who dare to may be accused of geometric racism and who wants THAT hanging ’round their necks and weighing heavily on their conscience?

5. iii- He should then instigate an imaginary penguin cull and destroy the whole Island with a small hammer and a bottle of super-strength Listerine.

Log, I don’t mean to kiss arse but my mental top three of PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH now reads:

1. Jon Blyth
2. Chris Morris
3. Charlie Brooker

Now, if we can put a wig on Brian Blessed, does he end up looking like Mariah Carey?

Because Mariah Carey, with a beard, and big golden wings would be dreamy!

Me: Say that thing I like Brian..
Brian: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DARLING?
Me: Go on, you know what I mean.. say it again, whisper it in my ear you little tease…
Brian: GORDONS ALIVE??!!
Me: Ohhh.. come here you big lug…

Correctly correct. But what you didn’t mention is that she looks exactly the same as the bloke who played Flash Gordon in the 1980’s film version. She does. Go and Google a picture of him. Now photoshop a wig on him. Go on. See? Exactly the same.

That post left me tingling in my special garden… and got me thinking about other peoples special gardens, special sexy gardens, sexy dark wet gardens.. um, just to clarify - I’m talking about masturbation.

Yes.

http://cbnc.blogspot.com/

Take the ‘Not Top 5′ challenge. Why, yes, I do have alot of time on my hands, how did you know?…

Anubis is the god of Dogs Who Look Like Sheep, and Peoples With No Neck. Look at him. It’s blimmin’ obvious.

*Except for the time I spent 3 hours in a holding cell in Belgium with a bunch of illegal Africans. I’ve just remembered that.

As if I’d fucking smuggle myself to Belgium on purpose.

Chainsaw.

Scissors.

Canal towpath.

Blowtorch.

Motorbike.

Hot cup of tea.

If you can hear a slight tinkling sound, that’s the noise of my mind boggling. He’s clearly not right in his skull…