Comments on: Brenda Is Dead : Long Live Monica

By: officebound

officebound — Mon, 13 Feb 2006 15:31:47 +0000

you are not alone in your suffereing. i have the vastly irritating jj, currently sitting about 40 feet away but yes even from here i can hear her shrieking about her fake 36GG tits. from what i can hear i think she wants to remove the lumps of clingfilm or whatever it is inside them to “stop other women being jealous of me”. she’s now going on to blame her rubbish performance at work on this titty-envy, politely
ignoring the fact that she’s too stupid to understand the most basic picture request, vain, conniving and very very loud with it and that’s why we hate her - for making our lives a decibel-busting misery. doesn’t she know that silent incompetence can be a virtue? help!!!!!!

By: soulless

soulless — Wed, 16 Nov 2005 16:08:16 +0000

Step 1 - Buy PVA Glue

Step 2 - Apply pva glue liberally to face. Avoid eyes unless you enjoy running round the house screaming like a red-eyed banshee.

Step 3 - Wait for glue to dry.

Step 4 - Using fingernails and a ruler, tear off strips of now hardened PVA glue.

Step 5 - Admire leper-like appearance in mirror.

Step 6 - Enjoy the use of unmentionable embarrassing disease to ensure nobody comes too close and make much of your free time.

Step 7 - Laugh at the poor shmoe posting on a website about poor you as you jet-ski in Ibiza.

By: the 16th nicholas

the 16th nicholas — Wed, 16 Nov 2005 07:23:42 +0000

Monica reminds me of a lovely lady I work with, who is continually taking time off because she keeps getting outbreaks of Herpes all over her face.

We’re not talking cold sores around the lips, here. We’re talking great big fucking hob-nob biscuit-like scabs over the jawline and cheeks, too.

No one minds that she takes time off; the alternative is to have to look at her crusty leper face during lunch.

By: stussybear

stussybear — Mon, 14 Nov 2005 20:01:18 +0000

Brenda and Monica…didn’t they have a single out a while back? “The Boy Is Mine”?

By: notoriousED

notoriousED — Mon, 14 Nov 2005 19:42:13 +0000

Don’t worry Log. Monica won’t be around for long. H5N1 should take care of even the most hardy of ropey old birds, particularly if it joyously unites with human flu - and I pray nightly to Oholu Sakpata (the ancient African god of disease) that it will. Failing that, you could always take Brenda’s stapler and stick it on Monica’s desk. Light the blue touch paper and stand back…

By: soulless

soulless — Mon, 14 Nov 2005 18:21:06 +0000

Monica sounds like she was put on this earth to make you appreciate Brenda, your inevitable post office party* one night stand.

People who are that technophobic deserve all they get. You should probably drop in an easily overheard comment about how computers cause tumours. You might get your desk back.

* - as in ‘after your office party’, rather than a party in a post office that you both happen to attend. Though that might be fun too. Stamps laced with vodka etc.

By: Nobuttocks

Nobuttocks — Mon, 14 Nov 2005 17:36:29 +0000

Don’t you DARE even THINK about not writing about Brenda. For some reason that I can’t quite put a reason to - I find her exploits completely fascinating.