The Great Multi-Minority Challenge

Black / Homeless / Dwarf / Amazing

Can anyone beat my black, homeless dwarf for a minority super-niche? I found him outside Elephant & Castle station, and because I’m such an amazing minority myself – it ain’t easy bein’ this pretty, you jealous bitches – I knew we’d get along. We talked about how much money the council threw at us, the arts funding we’d applied for, and the dozens of other brazen and limitless demands we make on the average hard-working taxpayer.
Then we laughed, and laughed, and laughed. A stupid member of the silent majority stopped, and asked us what was so funny. We just looked at each other and started laughing again!
Oh Mr Littlejohn, With Your Neck You Are So LovelyMINORITY WATCH
Hi. I’m Richard Littlejohn. I’m not racist, but I do think there should be stricter controls on the foreign things I’m forced to see. Have you found a multiple-minority who might be making your house less desirable to a heroic WW2 veteran? Perhaps an Indian family actually tried to buy your house, in an attempt to disgust you into leaving Britain once and for all, like I did.
Tell me your shocking stories of minorities just walking around like they own the place, and I’ll GO FUCKING MENTAL AND LEAVE THE COUNTRY AGAIN. Where will I end up? That depends on YOU!

9 thoughts on “The Great Multi-Minority Challenge

  1. Nobuttocks

    I’m a 26 year old white straight male. But my Grandmother was a quarter Irish, so that practically makes me an ethnic.
    Ooh! I’ve got TWO “submit comment” buttons to choose from! Is one of them a trap?
    Anyway – here goes….
    *click*

    Reply
  2. Richard Littlejohn

    That makes you just one sixteenth Irish. I suppose it must be your brain that’s Irish, if you think that makes you a minority. In any event, I’ve no problem with the Irish, they were our terrorists, not like these ridiculous so-called “Moslems”. You could always tell an Irishman from his weaving, drunken gait and demented gibber – I for one couldn’t tell a Moslem from a ululating pile of shit. This hasn’t outraged me at ALL. I’m off to look at some three year olds being gayed on.

    Reply
  3. Chris

    I think that the homeless man who was busking in Shenzhen in 1998 when I visited and who was both Chinese and an amputee, beats our black homeless dwarf. The BHD doesn’t busk, he just sits there, day after day. I passed him this morning on the way to work. He was improving his mind through reading the Metro. I think he used to cadge used but still valid day passes from hapless commuters on the way home, so if that’s a form of busking then he equals my Chinese amputee busker in Shenzhen. Not much future in that line of work now that Oyster cards are pretty well the norm.
    I think the homeless guy who sits in the subway under the New Kent Road and sings hymns, while not black or a dwarf, is probably a minority of some sort or other (maybe Irish). We should teach the BHD to play the bagpipes to accompany the hymn singer as he moans “Amazing Grace”. Then we’d really have something to crow about at the Elephant.
    Anyone ever noticed that you hardly ever see a Chinese here begging for money or anything else? In Singapore the social welfare system is so primitive that the double hand amputee who sat in his chair outside Bishan Station didn’t even sing for his pennies. Little old ladies who could be your great-gran (if you were Chinese) stand around selling packets of tissue for a Sg. dollar apiece outside the train stations. Would you let your great-gran sell Kleenexes outside the Elephant and Castle station? Would you vote for a government that made her do that for a living?
    Now you’ve got me started. I think I’ll buy some packets of Kleenex and start collecting for my retirement.

    Reply
  4. jonathan

    Hi nothing to do with this string but I noticed the “Joey Deacon” “Bedwetting” t-shirt download but it’s not there anymore, does anyone have it? or can email it to me?
    Ta Jf

    Reply
  5. Richard Littlejohn

    If there’s one thing that outrages me more than foreigners coming over here and being openly different in my hard-earned garden, it’s when they hide amongst their own kind in countries where they presume to call ME a “tourist”! In my travels to find out who I hate the most, I’ve been called “foreigner”, “gaijin”, “fat-necked motherfucker”, and “vile, just vile”. The very idea of this limbless bastard hiding in a sea of indistinguishable yellow bushmeat raises my ire to such a degree, that I’ve been catapulted into Portugal. Congratulations!

    Reply
  6. Flecks of Furious Spittle

    I bet he can’t climb trees or even open his bananananas with those spaccy legs.

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  7. Webofevil

    The man in your photograph also busks on the South Bank. Are buskers a minority? Even if not, I still think that garners him extra points.

    Reply
  8. CB

    I live in a tiny village in the countryside that has one pub, which also happens to be an Indian restaurant. It’s run by two brothers, they are twins, and they are dwarfs. They also rent the rooms above the pub out to the DSS.
    So that’s…
    Rural dwarf twin Indian restaurateur/publican DSS landlords.
    If we were playing minority Top Trumps, surely this would be the killer card to have.

    Reply

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