Comments on: Brenda : The “Approaching Obsession” Years http://blog.disappointment.com/2005/10/06/brenda-the-approaching-obsession-years/ I love you, let's do it Sat, 19 Nov 2011 17:13:43 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.3 By: Dave http://blog.disappointment.com/2005/10/06/brenda-the-approaching-obsession-years/#comment-233 Dave Wed, 26 Oct 2005 20:23:45 +0000 http://www.disappointment.com/wordpress/archives/59#comment-233 Started a job last week and have my own Brenda - Jackie. She sat in my chair today and because it wasn't set up in EXACTLY THE SAME WAY AS HERS she started going off on one and making a noise like someone had stuck a rampant rabbit in every fillable orifice. Then she began to complain that the air conditioning was making her cough. 'That's why I wear neck scarves you see. Does it make you cough?' 'No', I said, 'I think it's my smoking habit that does that'. 'Oh, WELL' Jackie was at pains to point out, ' I USED TO WORK FOR MARIE CURIE CANCER CARE so you won't get the sympathy vote from me anymore.' When I pointed out that I hadn't asked for and didn't really want this apparently priceless sympathy vote the conversation ground to an abrupt halt. I spent the rest of te day making spastic faces behind her back while she phoned around trying to find someone to do my job for less money. Started a job last week and have my own Brenda – Jackie.

She sat in my chair today and because it wasn’t set up in EXACTLY THE SAME WAY AS HERS she started going off on one and making a noise like someone had stuck a rampant rabbit in every fillable orifice.

Then she began to complain that the air conditioning was making her cough. ‘That’s why I wear neck scarves you see. Does it make you cough?’ ‘No’, I said, ‘I think it’s my smoking habit that does that’. ‘Oh, WELL’ Jackie was at pains to point out, ‘ I USED TO WORK FOR MARIE CURIE CANCER CARE so you won’t get the sympathy vote from me anymore.’ When I pointed out that I hadn’t asked for and didn’t really want this apparently priceless sympathy vote the conversation ground to an abrupt halt.

I spent the rest of te day making spastic faces behind her back while she phoned around trying to find someone to do my job for less money.

]]> By: Another Little Disappointment » Brenda vs The Chinaman http://blog.disappointment.com/2005/10/06/brenda-the-approaching-obsession-years/#comment-221 Another Little Disappointment » Brenda vs The Chinaman Tue, 25 Oct 2005 14:14:22 +0000 http://www.disappointment.com/wordpress/archives/59#comment-221 [...] < < Who’s Brenda? : Meet Her | Fear Her | Touch Her | Hear Her [...] [...] < < Who’s Brenda? : Meet Her | Fear Her | Touch Her | Hear Her [...]

]]> By: Matt http://blog.disappointment.com/2005/10/06/brenda-the-approaching-obsession-years/#comment-177 Matt Sat, 15 Oct 2005 17:28:56 +0000 http://www.disappointment.com/wordpress/archives/59#comment-177 Jesus suffering fuck. I've got an annoying woman in my office who I'd vaguely imagined to be as annoying as Brenda, until I listened to that clip and realised that my one is nothing. Nothing at all. Brenda. What. A. Cow. Mind you, next time the woman at work tucks her used tissue under the straps of her dress, I'm still going to kick her neck off. Jesus suffering fuck. I’ve got an annoying woman in my office who I’d vaguely imagined to be as annoying as Brenda, until I listened to that clip and realised that my one is nothing. Nothing at all. Brenda. What. A. Cow.

Mind you, next time the woman at work tucks her used tissue under the straps of her dress, I’m still going to kick her neck off.

]]> By: davidh http://blog.disappointment.com/2005/10/06/brenda-the-approaching-obsession-years/#comment-164 davidh Sun, 09 Oct 2005 13:41:11 +0000 http://www.disappointment.com/wordpress/archives/59#comment-164 No I can't. I'm such a failure... How difficult can a picture editor's job be? "Find me a photo of a duck" "Okay." :two days later: "Here you go! That'll be 300 Euros, please." No I can’t. I’m such a failure…

How difficult can a picture editor’s job be?

“Find me a photo of a duck”

“Okay.”

:two days later:

“Here you go! That’ll be 300 Euros, please.”

]]> By: jonesy http://blog.disappointment.com/2005/10/06/brenda-the-approaching-obsession-years/#comment-163 jonesy Sun, 09 Oct 2005 13:07:34 +0000 http://www.disappointment.com/wordpress/archives/59#comment-163 No. But she's a freelance picture editor, so we could have a whip round and for the low, low price of £100 we could book her for the day. Then we could all meet up and enjoy a Festival Of Stupidity. £100 for eight hours of foolishness! Come on! She could tell us about her little son, who has been "costipated", bless him. Have you ever heard of that? "Costipated"? It means he can't do his number twos. Can you imagine such a thing? Can you? No. But she’s a freelance picture editor, so we could have a whip round and for the low, low price of £100 we could book her for the day. Then we could all meet up and enjoy a Festival Of Stupidity. £100 for eight hours of foolishness! Come on!

She could tell us about her little son, who has been “costipated”, bless him. Have you ever heard of that? “Costipated”? It means he can’t do his number twos. Can you imagine such a thing? Can you?

]]> By: davidh http://blog.disappointment.com/2005/10/06/brenda-the-approaching-obsession-years/#comment-162 davidh Sun, 09 Oct 2005 12:49:15 +0000 http://www.disappointment.com/wordpress/archives/59#comment-162 Ahahahahahaha! Jonesy has the best anecdotes ever! Did you record her voice Jonesy? Did yer? Did yer? Ahahahahahaha! Jonesy has the best anecdotes ever! Did you record her voice Jonesy? Did yer? Did yer?

]]> By: idiotica http://blog.disappointment.com/2005/10/06/brenda-the-approaching-obsession-years/#comment-161 idiotica Sun, 09 Oct 2005 09:25:56 +0000 http://www.disappointment.com/wordpress/archives/59#comment-161 I have now listened to this, from home, because on MY network you can't hear sound, at all. Can't hear sound. At all. There's nothing anyone can do, apart from listen to things at home, like what I now have. OHMYGOD. I don't know whether I want you to kill her, or to record more. Depends how selfless I am feeling. Maybe you could record killing her. "You've stabbed me in the tits. I can't believe it, you stabbed me. You stabbed me in the tits. In the tits! OW you stabbed me in the cunt. My tits and cunt. Someone call the helpdesk. Hello? Helpdesk? I've been stabbed in the tits and cunt. No, there's nothing anyone can do." I imagine. I have now listened to this, from home, because on MY network you can’t hear sound, at all. Can’t hear sound. At all. There’s nothing anyone can do, apart from listen to things at home, like what I now have.

OHMYGOD. I don’t know whether I want you to kill her, or to record more. Depends how selfless I am feeling. Maybe you could record killing her. “You’ve stabbed me in the tits. I can’t believe it, you stabbed me. You stabbed me in the tits. In the tits! OW you stabbed me in the cunt. My tits and cunt. Someone call the helpdesk. Hello? Helpdesk? I’ve been stabbed in the tits and cunt. No, there’s nothing anyone can do.”

I imagine.

]]> By: jonesy http://blog.disappointment.com/2005/10/06/brenda-the-approaching-obsession-years/#comment-160 jonesy Sun, 09 Oct 2005 09:19:45 +0000 http://www.disappointment.com/wordpress/archives/59#comment-160 I used to have a brenda. She was called Debbie. She hovered like a dark cloud of incompetence over my head for six months a couple of years back. We were both working on a magazine for teenage girls. A teen mag. She was the acting picture editor. Nothing seemed to work properly in her brain. She was quite astonishing. Hypnotic in her idiocy. The readers of our teen mag were a feisty lot. Full of spunk. Some of them liked nu metal. http://www.di-arezzo.com/multimedia/images/amscowyse/couv/am976283.jpg Because that's what people sometimes liked then. Once, after some extensive market research, a spattering of focus groups and a heavy flow of meetings, we decided it would be nice if we put in a poster of the nu metal group Linkin Park. http://www.virgin.net/music/wallpapers/images/linkinpark_1600.jpg So we asked Debbie to get us a choice of pictures. But because Debbie and her brain were no longer on speaking terms, and her brain had taken to constantly undermining her best efforts to impress, she somehow ended up getting us a selection of photos of this: http://www.affiliate.viator.com/graphicslib/3568/SITours/lincoln_grantpark.jpg A thousand acres of greenery, lagoons and flowers, with a zoo and a bloody big statue. Lincoln Park. A park. In Chicago, Illinois. :*( I used to have a brenda. She was called Debbie. She hovered like a dark cloud of incompetence over my head for six months a couple of years back. We were both working on a magazine for teenage girls. A teen mag. She was the acting picture editor. Nothing seemed to work properly in her brain. She was quite astonishing. Hypnotic in her idiocy.

The readers of our teen mag were a feisty lot. Full of spunk. Some of them liked nu metal.
http://www.di-arezzo.com/multimedia/images/amscowyse/couv/am976283.jpg
Because that’s what people sometimes liked then.

Once, after some extensive market research, a spattering of focus groups and a heavy flow of meetings, we decided it would be nice if we put in a poster of the nu metal group Linkin Park.
http://www.virgin.net/music/wallpapers/images/linkinpark_1600.jpg

So we asked Debbie to get us a choice of pictures. But because Debbie and her brain were no longer on speaking terms, and her brain had taken to constantly undermining her best efforts to impress, she somehow ended up getting us a selection of photos of this:
http://www.affiliate.viator.com/graphicslib/3568/SITours/lincoln_grantpark.jpg

A thousand acres of greenery, lagoons and flowers, with a zoo and a bloody big statue. Lincoln Park. A park. In Chicago, Illinois. :*(

]]> By: soulless http://blog.disappointment.com/2005/10/06/brenda-the-approaching-obsession-years/#comment-159 soulless Sat, 08 Oct 2005 17:42:22 +0000 http://www.disappointment.com/wordpress/archives/59#comment-159 I'm on Brenda's side here. I mean, the poor woman can't get in the network. She can't get in the network. When she gets in, it crashes. She can't get in the network. She gets in, it crashes, in, crashes, in, crashes, in, crashes, in, crashes, in, crashes, in, crashes, in, crashes, in, crashes, in, crashes. She can't get in the network. You probably just don't understand how hard that is for her. Plus, it's probably distracting sitting opposite a large ginger man who appears to be masturbating for half the time. SL www.soullessecho.blogspot.com I’m on Brenda’s side here. I mean, the poor woman can’t get in the network. She can’t get in the network. When she gets in, it crashes. She can’t get in the network. She gets in, it crashes, in, crashes, in, crashes, in, crashes, in, crashes, in, crashes, in, crashes, in, crashes, in, crashes, in, crashes. She can’t get in the network.

You probably just don’t understand how hard that is for her.

Plus, it’s probably distracting sitting opposite a large ginger man who appears to be masturbating for half the time.

SL
http://www.soullessecho.blogspot.com

]]> By: robertdee http://blog.disappointment.com/2005/10/06/brenda-the-approaching-obsession-years/#comment-158 robertdee Sat, 08 Oct 2005 16:33:38 +0000 http://www.disappointment.com/wordpress/archives/59#comment-158 Repeating herself. Christ. Its like some kind of pigeon moaning about not being able to get some chips out of the bin. Make her a t-shirt with 'birdbrain' written on it. Repeating herself. Christ. Its like some kind of pigeon moaning about not being able to get some chips out of the bin. Make her a t-shirt with ‘birdbrain’ written on it.

]]> By: lee http://blog.disappointment.com/2005/10/06/brenda-the-approaching-obsession-years/#comment-157 lee Fri, 07 Oct 2005 11:24:01 +0000 http://www.disappointment.com/wordpress/archives/59#comment-157 i. can't. get. in. AT. ALL. i. can’t. get. in. AT. ALL.

]]> By: radlord http://blog.disappointment.com/2005/10/06/brenda-the-approaching-obsession-years/#comment-156 radlord Fri, 07 Oct 2005 05:29:54 +0000 http://www.disappointment.com/wordpress/archives/59#comment-156 This Brenda seems in fact to be my mother. That's *hot*. This Brenda seems in fact to be my mother.

That’s *hot*.

]]> By: the 16th nicholas http://blog.disappointment.com/2005/10/06/brenda-the-approaching-obsession-years/#comment-154 the 16th nicholas Thu, 06 Oct 2005 21:47:44 +0000 http://www.disappointment.com/wordpress/archives/59#comment-154 Oh dear. Oh dear me. You poor, poor bastard. Oh dear. Oh dear me.

You poor, poor bastard.

]]> By: Raz http://blog.disappointment.com/2005/10/06/brenda-the-approaching-obsession-years/#comment-153 Raz Thu, 06 Oct 2005 21:42:27 +0000 http://www.disappointment.com/wordpress/archives/59#comment-153 I had earlier composed a reply to one of the Brenda posts in which I was going to point out how you had proved that hate was truly subjective, in so far as I DIDN'T hate Brenda, as amusing as I found your writing about her, and that the overall conclusion was that 'we all have our Brendas'. Having heard that, though. Jesus fucking Christ. What a CUNT. I had earlier composed a reply to one of the Brenda posts in which I was going to point out how you had proved that hate was truly subjective, in so far as I DIDN’T hate Brenda, as amusing as I found your writing about her, and that the overall conclusion was that ‘we all have our Brendas’.

Having heard that, though. Jesus fucking Christ. What a CUNT.

]]> By: jamie http://blog.disappointment.com/2005/10/06/brenda-the-approaching-obsession-years/#comment-152 jamie Thu, 06 Oct 2005 19:37:20 +0000 http://www.disappointment.com/wordpress/archives/59#comment-152 i licked the mp3 - it made me chortle - although I liked it slightly less when I realised you'd dubbed the commentary over the top, rather than simply said it under the desk. To be honest, though, she looks like the sort of lady who you could say "fuck off you cunt" right into her face and she'd just keep blabbing about her pension or summit. i licked the mp3 – it made me chortle – although I liked it slightly less when I realised you’d dubbed the commentary over the top, rather than simply said it under the desk. To be honest, though, she looks like the sort of lady who you could say “fuck off you cunt” right into her face and she’d just keep blabbing about her pension or summit.

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