Archive for the ‘Worklife’ Category

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It’s Time The Tale Were Told…

11, May 2008

…of how my trousers fell down and I laughed. If you’re thinking “that’s all very well, but’s I very much doubt if it’s something The Guardian would print in their Comments & Debate section” – if that’s what you’re thinking – then I can see your point. But you’d be wrong!
Anyone buying the nation’s most [...]

Synthetic Opinion #0

18, Apr 2008

A few weeks ago, I wrote 700 words for the Guardian. It was a glorious exercise in public self-castration, in which I exposed myself as the ill-informed prickwit that I quite frankly am. Since then, I’ve written a piece about how much I love progress bars, which I hope cemented my reputation as the [...]

So You Want To Be A Games Journalist

30, Oct 2006

Q. I RECKON I WANT TO BE A GAMES JOURNALIST
A. And who can blame you? Being a Games Journalist is the finest thing the human soul can aspire to, but I’ll warn you right now; demand is so high that you are going to have to “get in the fucking queue”.
The responsibilities are sometimes crushing. [...]

Midwives : I Have Fucked Everything Up Right Proper

14, Feb 2006

Gather round, scamps and travellers – and hear my tale. Hear about what happens when you allow unapologetic incompetents to flail unchecked in the offices of our land. My own tale begins innocently enough, with a simple lapse in organisation, followed by a profound disinclination to “do anything about it”, in the spirit of “oh [...]

Grunt, Laugh, Wank : The Work Toilets Trilogy Concludes

27, Jan 2006

THE STORY SO FAR : He Grunted : I Laughed
A very quick entry out of pure, rabid emergency. Forgive the first-draft-feel (my writing is usually so fucking polished), but I’ve just been listening to a man have a wank.
It really was the most basic mistake of the toilet wanker; assuming that every slam of the [...]

I Trumped Seven Time In Two Minute

18, Nov 2005

This entry is karma for my previous “work toilet” entry, in which the man in the next cubicle made wild rattling noises and gasped “shit“. This time, it was my turn to be the monster in the cupboard.
I’ve just had the one moment in my life that means I don’t need to live any more [...]

Brenda Is Dead : Long Live Monica

14, Nov 2005

It’s not entirely fair. Boo hoo, it’s not fair. :(
My job covering the cervical screening course ended ten days ago, but they liked me enough to take me back. Now I’m in another role, whose details are too dull to properly understand. But today is my first day back, after taking a week off watching [...]

The Lighter Side Of Brenda

8, Nov 2005

Sometimes, Brenda lets you into her world. It’s a strange thing, to be embraced by someone you despise – especially if you have the instinctive desire to be liked by everyone, no matter how much they’ve proved themself to be a big anus.
On the one hand, I was enjoying the fact that this creature [...]

Brenda vs The Chinaman

24, Oct 2005

< < Who’s Brenda? : Meet Her | Fear Her | Touch Her | Hear Her
I have just been forced to overhear the most excruciating conversation of my so-short life. Brenda has just invented and solved a problem that affected no-one, in one of her frequent shouting sessions that let everyone know how fucking [...]

Holy Fuck, Is That The Time?

13, Oct 2005

Video Week has been cut short! Why’s that? I’ll tell you for whys! I got really, really, distracted.
A) I was chatting to loads of people on MSN Messenger and they were all like “come on join the party” and I came back with “you better get this party started cos I’m the kinda guy who’ll [...]


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